How Couples Can Connect In The Midst of Being Tired

“Hey, let’s hang out!”

“Hey, let’s stay up tonight and hang out!”  Erin and I both meant this wholeheartedly. Tonight was the night we were actually going to hang out. You know, watch some Netflix, talk about life, just be together. 

Then we woke up the next morning and realized, “Oh, it didn’t happen, again.” We are so tired! This is not a complaint against the universe. We are parents, we both work full-time, we have a ton of s***t to do each day. It is the reality of so many parenting couples. 

So, by the time 8:30pm rolls around and we put our kids to sleep its like we are overtaken. We lay in bed to read a story. We snuggle under the covers with one of the boys to chat and say goodnight. And then it happens. The Sleep Monster emerges. The day, the weeks, the months, the years come closing in around us. Like the enveloping warmth from the bed’s blankets and the irresistible siren song we are wrapped up in the Monster’s arms and lulled to sleep. 

We inevitably fall asleep 98.7% of the time. This is what happened the night we made a blood oath to stay awake and hang out with each other. Our intention was good, our execution confused by our bodies longing to sleep. 

It’s Hard To Connect as a Couple When You Are Tired

It’s hard to connect as a couple when you are also working, parenting, etc. We have to have some grace for ourselves as a couple. At the same time we also have to make the effort. 

Erin followed up her expression of wanting to hang out with, “…because if we don’t I will forget that I like you.” Many couples forget they like each other not because something is wrong, but because life is busy and they have not spent any time together.

Making The Effort to Connect Matters

When Erin and I realized we had once again missed the chance to hang out we were bummed. At the same time I really appreciated Erin saying she wanted to hang out. Just her saying something let me know I mattered and she missed me. Me expressing a desire to hang out with her can communicate the same thing. 

Life can get busy and this challenges a couples ability to connect. Yet, making the effort is vital to having a relationship that feels good and close. Sometimes making the effort might mean you just say, “Hey, I want to make the effort to hang out,” and then you have to hope and pray you can fight off the Sleep Monster’s embrace.